AdoptResources's Blog

blogging about adoption, attachment, parenting & family life

The waiting game…

with 2 comments

Adoption is a funny process – full of highs & lows; stops & starts. There are lots of stages to get through and each one feels like an achievement and is worth a celebration, but is followed by a wait until you reach the next stage. In the middle of each of the waiting stages you have to put a bit of yourself on hold and wait for things outwith your control to fall into place but at the same time try to plan for what might or might not happen with no firm idea of when anything is going to happen.

Apologies now for a fairly rubbish analogy but … it’s a bit like flying… you decide you want to go somewhere & research your options, so far so good… decision made, journey confirmed – woo hoo… get yourself organised, remember your passport and head to the airport… check in & hand your baggage over – nearly there… then the departure lounge – potential delays, maybe even cancellations – then, just when you’ve bought another latte/gin & tonic/gone to the bathroom… your flight is called & you’re off – no going back now!!!

So what can you do if you’re in the waiting stage:

  • look after yourself & your partner – be kind to each other, different things stress different people out, some people are better at blocking out things they can’t change, for others it’s not so easy – respect your differences
  • think about the profile of the child you’ve been approved to adopt – preschool? what activities are in your area, playgroups, mother & toddler groups etc – school age? there will be less parent/child activities but it might be worth checking out some of the activities available at sports centres, library etc. You don’t need to be too specific or start booking places yet!! But a bit of legwork now can help save a bit of time later.
  • have a wander round ikea/mothercare etc and see where the types of things you like are, get a few cataolgues to flick through at home. We had a mad afternoon shopping for car seats & buggies & didn’t have a clue what to ask for or what we needed!
  • speak to your health visitor (?paediatric nurse in US) – I found our health visitor a brilliant source of support and advice on parenting and child development. When your child is placed there might not be any scheduled visits to or from the health visitor, so it’s worth making contact or at least finding out how to get in touch with your health visitor before placement.
  • check out some childcare/parenting books… a word of caution on this one – it’s hard to know what information is going to be relevant until you know the child being placed, but again finding out what books you like and where you can find them can help save time later.
  • find out from your agency what sources of support there are for adoptive families in your area – knowing this in advance can help if you do need a bit more support or advice after placement. Linking in with local supports before placement helps make it easier to connect after placement.
  • have a look on social networks – twitter, facebook, internet, Adoption UK etc
  • speaking to family – letting them know about the stages of the process you’ve still to go through, involvement of social workers etc; also have a chat to them about what you’ve learned about attachment – help them to understand how your parenting might have to be a bit different from what they’d expect.
  • sort out practical issues – find out about your options for adoption leave, work out your finances etc – having children is expensive and working out financial practicalities in advance can reduce stress later.
  • pay attention to your needs – chat with someone you feel comfortable with – allow yourself your ups & downs…

You’ve probably done or heard of all of the above and there’s not a lot you can do to make the time pass faster. But there might be a couple of things that help you feel better prepared or fill the gaps while you’re waiting.

Best wishes for you and your adoption.

Check out the AdoptResources blogroll or tweets for current info…

Written by adoptresources

January 20, 2010 at 12:31 am

2 Responses

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  1. Heya i got to your site by mistake when i was searching bing for something off topic here but i do have say your site is really helpful, like the theme and the content on here…so thanks for me procrastinating from my previous task, lol


    January 21, 2010 at 7:12 am

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