AdoptResources's Blog

blogging about adoption, attachment, parenting & family life

Making memories

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black and white photosSometimes in adoption, our attention is drawn to the gaps in our shared history, to the times when we were not together as a family instead of to the memories we are creating all the time. Albums and photos focussing on the early experiences are important to help children build a sense of who they are and to keep hold of some of the important people in their lives. But to help children and families grow together, this reflection also needs to include looking forward and to laying down new memories.

Here’s a few things that can help you and your family build your shared history:

Parallel journey chat about what happened before you became a family, what age you were when they were born, where you worked what you were doing and so on. Look at photos and albums. This helps join bits of your lives together without keeping things in separate worlds. A little PS to this one, don’t expect a captive audience, just gently trickle the information in…

Reminisce chat about things that you’ve done together, what they were like when they were younger, talk about feelings around things that happened – the funny moments, positive times, even sad times. The focus of day to day stuff can often be on difficulties so a reminder of the good old days/moments can help give a bit of a boost…

Commemorate take photos, mementoes, scrapbooks, postcards etc… these help build tangible memories of the things that you’ve done together and helps children not able to hold memories well to have a physical reminder to hold onto…

Celebrate in your way, create memories to look back on and your own family traditions. Choose the events that mean something to your family, these may be adoption related, they may not. Be sensitive to the fact that for some children Adoption Days can be a reminder of loss.

All of these things help build security in families and help us to feel like we belong. I’d love to hear your comments…

This post was published in my Autumn newsletter sign up to receive the next one…

Written by adoptresources

November 25, 2010 at 1:48 pm

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