AdoptResources's Blog

blogging about adoption, attachment, parenting & family life

She’s not my real mum…

with 2 comments

That’s a phrase a lot of us who have adopted children will have heard or might be expecting to in the future… It’s the title of a brilliant blog post from Nikki Pilkington about her stepmum and I have to confess to a few tears while reading it.

For me, there are a lot of similarites to the ‘mumflict’ in adoption. That longing for the biological mum – who is bound to be better than the not-so-real mum, with the rules and routines – alongside the developing trust and relationship with the not-so-real mum. Sometimes it can be hard not to get caught up in the rejection and easy to miss the positive shoots of your growing relationship.

child not speaking
The impact of early neglect and trauma on building trust and attachment for some adopted children adds to the complexity and can mean that the closer you get, the more you’re pushed away. It can be hard to keep up sometimes and easy to lose sight of how far you’ve come since starting out as parent and child.

Taking some time out to reflect on things that have changed for the positive, small steps, little things can help give you a boost if there’s not a lot of positive stuff going on. And remembering that often the rejection is a sign of things edging closer behind the scenes…

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Written by adoptresources

March 14, 2011 at 10:31 am

2 Responses

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  1. I think it is important to reflect in lots of different circumstances and see the milestones and acheivements. It is so easy to forget them sometimes.

    Naomi Richards

    March 19, 2011 at 11:05 am

    • Thanks Naomi – so true and really important if you’re in the middle of a difficult time.

      adoptresources

      March 20, 2011 at 1:37 pm


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