AdoptResources's Blog

blogging about adoption, attachment, parenting & family life

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Conference Report: Somebody else’s child

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I was part of a blogging and tweeting team at BAAF’s Somebody Else’s Child private fostering event earlier this week. I learned loads about a topic I’d not really considered much before.

Private fostering is where a child lives with someone who is not their parent or close relative for 28 days or more. The majority of private fostering arrangements work well and offer the child a safe and secure environment. However, cases of child abuse and child trafficking have been identified in some private fostering arrangements.

You can watch some of the presentations online on BAAF’s livestream and if you’re a fan of twitter, search for the twitter hashtag #pfweek.

Written by adoptresources

March 27, 2011 at 9:56 pm

New survey: online resources

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green tick illustration

The fact that you’re reading a blog on adoption means that it’s probably safe to say that you are comfortable accessing information and resources on adoption online… what do you like about online information, what don’t you like…?

I’m running a survey on online resources in adoption and fostering – have your say and let me know what you think, it only takes a couple of minutes.

If you complete any of the surveys by 28th February, you can enter a prize draw to win a print worth £45 from The Day That – beautiful photos of sunrise on a day that’s memorable for you.

Written by adoptresources

February 3, 2011 at 5:18 pm

The waiting game…

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Adoption is a funny process – full of highs & lows; stops & starts. There are lots of stages to get through and each one feels like an achievement and is worth a celebration, but is followed by a wait until you reach the next stage. In the middle of each of the waiting stages you have to put a bit of yourself on hold and wait for things outwith your control to fall into place but at the same time try to plan for what might or might not happen with no firm idea of when anything is going to happen.

Apologies now for a fairly rubbish analogy but … it’s a bit like flying… you decide you want to go somewhere & research your options, so far so good… decision made, journey confirmed – woo hoo… get yourself organised, remember your passport and head to the airport… check in & hand your baggage over – nearly there… then the departure lounge – potential delays, maybe even cancellations – then, just when you’ve bought another latte/gin & tonic/gone to the bathroom… your flight is called & you’re off – no going back now!!!

So what can you do if you’re in the waiting stage:

  • look after yourself & your partner – be kind to each other, different things stress different people out, some people are better at blocking out things they can’t change, for others it’s not so easy – respect your differences
  • think about the profile of the child you’ve been approved to adopt – preschool? what activities are in your area, playgroups, mother & toddler groups etc – school age? there will be less parent/child activities but it might be worth checking out some of the activities available at sports centres, library etc. You don’t need to be too specific or start booking places yet!! But a bit of legwork now can help save a bit of time later.
  • have a wander round ikea/mothercare etc and see where the types of things you like are, get a few cataolgues to flick through at home. We had a mad afternoon shopping for car seats & buggies & didn’t have a clue what to ask for or what we needed!
  • speak to your health visitor (?paediatric nurse in US) – I found our health visitor a brilliant source of support and advice on parenting and child development. When your child is placed there might not be any scheduled visits to or from the health visitor, so it’s worth making contact or at least finding out how to get in touch with your health visitor before placement.
  • check out some childcare/parenting books… a word of caution on this one – it’s hard to know what information is going to be relevant until you know the child being placed, but again finding out what books you like and where you can find them can help save time later.
  • find out from your agency what sources of support there are for adoptive families in your area – knowing this in advance can help if you do need a bit more support or advice after placement. Linking in with local supports before placement helps make it easier to connect after placement.
  • have a look on social networks – twitter, facebook, internet, Adoption UK etc
  • speaking to family – letting them know about the stages of the process you’ve still to go through, involvement of social workers etc; also have a chat to them about what you’ve learned about attachment – help them to understand how your parenting might have to be a bit different from what they’d expect.
  • sort out practical issues – find out about your options for adoption leave, work out your finances etc – having children is expensive and working out financial practicalities in advance can reduce stress later.
  • pay attention to your needs – chat with someone you feel comfortable with – allow yourself your ups & downs…

You’ve probably done or heard of all of the above and there’s not a lot you can do to make the time pass faster. But there might be a couple of things that help you feel better prepared or fill the gaps while you’re waiting.

Best wishes for you and your adoption.

Check out the AdoptResources blogroll or tweets for current info…

Written by adoptresources

January 20, 2010 at 12:31 am


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Welcome to my first ever blog!!! Not sure where to start but start I shall…

One of the things that put me off blogging was adding another thing to my to do list, something else not to have time to do. One of my pet hates is to go to someone’s blog and find their most recent posting is more than 2 years ago! So my first mission is not to forget to blog – it won’t be a daily occurrence but hopefully often enough not to look forgotten about.

So much for why not to blog… what made me decide to put blogging on my to do list? It was another thing that I didn’t think I’d get into… Twitter & tweeting. I recently started to tweet to let people know about the launch of my website, taking personal and professional experience of adoption into the real world. I wasn’t really sure about Twitter but I’m now totally hooked on it and think it is an amazing way of connecting with people. I’ve made some great connections and even managed a real conversation on the phone with @changenutrition! I’ve found saying what I want to say in 140 characters a real challenge (!) but also a really good way of focussing what you want to say. Through twitter, I’ve noticed how much a blog can add a bit of depth to tweets, so that’s what got me thinking about blogging. My head is buzzing with loads of stuff that I want to say that I honestly don’t think blogging will get as far as my to do list (in fact it will probably take me away from it!!).

I’m going to blog on things to do with adoption, fostering, attachment, things relevant to caring for children who have spent time in the care system, strategies and different things that might be helpful to families. There will also be a bit of stuff that interests me and a bit of real life stuff (but not too much!). I will respect my family’s privacy, in particular our children’s, and do not plan on sharing any family secrets or information that’s not mine to share.

So, until my next blog (in 1yr, 11mths time!!)…. night night!

Written by adoptresources

January 18, 2010 at 12:02 am